Insights from High School Students

The most insightful moments I have in my days are spending time coaching high school students. They are incredibly brilliant people, and I am beginning to believe that I learn just as much – if not more – from them as they learn from me.
​
I was recently with a high school student who holds himself to an incredibly high standard. Higher than most adults I coach in a professional setting. His parents send conflicting messages. They tell him he’s too hard on himself, but it’s clear that their expectations of him are as high as his own. This student keeps a list in his head of all his mistakes and all his failures, in order to do better next time. He doesn’t keep a list of his successes, and when he’s told “good job”, he’s skeptical. 

The hardest part of my job is hearing statements like this. It is heartbreaking how often I hear them. The expectations placed on students these days are huge. Parents often tell me that they just want their children to be happy. Students often tell me they just want to make their parents proud.

Another student I was coaching was admitted to three top-tier universities. He selected one of them and told me he was scared to tell his parents out of fear that he’d let them down. Read that again – accepted to three top-tier universities, yet afraid he’d let his parents down. He’d achieved so much, yet still worried they’d be disappointed with his choice.

The hardest part of my job is hearing statements like this. It is heartbreaking how often I hear them. The expectations placed on students these days are huge. Parents often tell me that they just want their children to be happy. Students often tell me they just want to make their parents proud.

A third student confided in me that she wants to be a history teacher post high school. She described her passion for history. She felt she’d enjoy being a good role model for high school students. She wanted to go to a university with a strong teaching program, but instead, she picked the school with the best medical school. Why? Because her parents say she should be a doctor. She didn’t feel they would support her decision to teach history.

The hardest part of my job is hearing statements like this. It is heartbreaking how often I hear them. The expectations placed on students these days are huge. Parents often tell me that they just want their children to be happy. Students often tell me they just want to make their parents proud.

I am happy to report that by the end of our coaching sessions, all three students had an honest and direct conversation with their parents. All three families are working through their unique situations. Positive things will come of these conversations. As perceptions shift, open dialogue will be found.

When I work with students, our engagement consists of three meetings. The first two are with me and the student alone. The third is with me, the student, and their parents. This arrangement keeps the communication circle open. It allows us to close the loop on situations that arise during our sessions. It is important to me that the student feels supported throughout the process. 
 
What I have learned is that as a parent, your child may not listen to the things you tell them, and they may misconstrue your intention. Often, an outside, neutral perspective allows families to take those first small steps towards change. Change that can have tremendous positive impact on their lives, their relationships, and their future.
 
Please note that I always maintain confidentially in my posts. This is very important to me. I respect the privacy of all my clients and their families. In these three examples, the families gave me permission to share their stories, provided I didn’t use names.